Well i thought i had a voice...

I try to speak my mind

To get my message across

A reach for help

Looking for a ray of light

The hand of guidance

Seeking advice

Shoot down due to others pride

Never been able to express myself

Always trapped by what i want to say

I gave up a long time ago

Got the courage to try again

Alas shot down again!

I have a voice

I have a voice

I have a brain

I have feelings

I have power over my actions

I will get through this

I will get better

I will work hard

I will make my family feel loved

I will be happy!

Things that make me happy...

Cuddles

My daughter learning

Family time

Feeling accomplished

Feeling useful

Feeling healthy

Me time

Things that don't....

My daughter being ungrateful

The unknown

Lack of control

Feeling useless

Feeling exhausted

Fear of what he could do to our daughters future

Trying...

Trying to be happy.

Trying to keep my calm.

Trying to be a better person.

Trying to be a better mother.

Trying to live my life.

Failing!

Everyday

Everyday i get up more tired then the last...

Everyday another thing is there to bring me down.

Everyday i wonder when it will end?

Everyday i feel like im drowning!

Everyday i reach for help... for hope ... for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Everyday i just see darkness!

Why do i feel like this?

I went to court for custody of my daughter yesterday... i feel like it was the start of the end of my life and sanity.

People tell me it was a "win"

Any step that brings my child closer to being exposed to the emotional abuse of her father is a loss.

He is now allowed to know where she goes to school and due to zoning it would be soooo easy for him to find us.

He says he wont come to her school,

I can not trust... i can not believe.... i live in fear.

Fear of what he will do to hurt me ... what he will do to her... not being able to help her... to protect her.