Why i think life is out to get me...

From a early age i have felt like many people around me have gotten a helping hand in life.

The lucky ones who never seem to get caught doing bad things, the ones who always got things handed to them on a silver platter and the ones who no matter what they seem to do to their bodies came out on top!

In adulthood it is no different!

The ones who can eat or drink without being fat or hungover.

The ones who never get sick or have beautiful pregnacies dispite treating their bodies like crap!

The ones who got that job or promotion when they never did any of the work!

I've always felt I'm the one who always got the negatives.

I've played the why me card plenty of times.

The why am i gaining weight when i eat the same or healthier than everyone else around me, why do i have to struggle and work so hard for the same things as everyone else?

To the point now when good things happen to me i lose my shit and can't handle it.

In the last couple of years i've seen people buy the houses of my dreams, have the children i've always wanted (yes i have one and between the pregnancy from hell, the illness and transplant and now the lack of socialization which puts her behind and makes her struggle - which is something i never wanted for my or anyone elses child) and i sit here so wrapped up in planning for weddings and holidays and my dream house which i think i subconsciously don't believe i will ever get and do i even deserve??

Today i am upset because once again i haven't gotten the help i need in life. I went to the doctors to see if i can get my contraception implant changed over to a new one because lets face it my hormones are going crazy and i left feeling sad and confused. I tried to maintain some dignity as i left but i feel like i never get the help i need - not to say i didn't disagree with the doctor but he put more accurate contraception over the fact im going crazy. I won't need contraception if my partner leaves me cos im sending him nuts too.

I have lost all energy to rant and i'm pretty sure i haven't explained what has happened and probably not 100% sure either.

I'm going to go curl up into a ball and wait out this feeling before having to go join life again in the next hour.

ok so i'm not engaged but...

I am planning my dream wedding with my soul mate and have even started buying supplies for it.

Planning may have started weeks into my relationship with my amazing partner.

It all started on our first date when after i told him that my favorite movie of all time is Beauty and the Beast. He told me a story of how he told his mum when he was little that he wanted to marry Belle.

So through our love of all things Disney and Geeky and feeling like we were meant to be and will be together forever we started planning together dispute no actual proposal.

Don't get me wrong its not one of those engagements where a couple agrees to get engaged and its done - i expect him to propose and i feel like he wants to do it too.

And it isn't me steam rolling him - i have asked him if i didn't want to get married would he still want to? and he was clear that he would (even came up with a way to trick me into it) :P see were both crazy so perfect for each other right??

Any who despite going back up to 122kgs because of some very minor (i was very restrained over our weekend) treats on the weekend (we had a movie outing with friends Friday and a friends birthday Saturday) in which i even smashed through my 10,000 steps both days, i'm still happy because my man encouraged me to work on our wedding plans (ill do heaps for a couple of weeks then start going bridezilla and stop completely for some time)

The place i want to get married gave me a quote a while back which would have totally blown our budget ($14,000 - $15,000) and wouldn't allowed us to do/get the other things we wanted.

To be honest i have a problem with spending even $14,000 on one big party... yes i would like the big party but is the money worth it?? Come on i would rather a deposit for a house.

Soooo why am i happy today ?

Because after his latest encouragement i have had several wedding breakthroughs this weekend

1. We found cardboard that matches our theme colours (Royal Blue & Gold) for 50cents a sheet because a newsagents near us is closing down so i brought every last sheet and it was exactly the right number sheets for us
2. We wrote a guest list and got numbers down enough to be able to keep the location i want
3. I got a quote from the celebrant at the top of my list and it was for almost $500 cheaper than i had budgeted as long as we have it in June rather then May
4. Then because part of the discounted price for the celebrant was because of the month i went back to the venue i want for the wedding and asked them about June and they can take $30 per head off to do it one month later!!! so that would save us nearly $1,500 (June being our anniversary of when we met i am really ok with this)

So things for the wedding are going well. My daughter is at her new kinder today (this being her second day of the new one - she was being picked on at the old one) and she has already made a friend and was sooo happy to go which is a lovely change to the old one. The only other news from today is we have booked our meeting with our lawyers to discuss our options to proceed towards a custody agreement.

So tho a few unpleasant things, i am feeling productive and happy and that's all i can try to achieve in life. 

Cheers

Skye

Clean eating food lists i have found

I don't really support any particular diet and frankly you have to find the one that works for you.

I like keeping things as natural and unprocessed as possible but in saying that i wouldn't drink non processed milk (and yes i love drinking milk). So these 3 lists/infographics got my attention and hope they help if your looking for something similar.

 I love how well set out this infographic is - pretty and informative :p

These lists are a great starting point and remind me i have options and they don't have to be boring. 

I should point out there is a few things on this list that i either have no idea what they are or wouldn't go out of my way to pay the over priced cost so each to their own :)

 

Happy eating <3