Not sure where i am at....

So here i sit on a friday afternoon, don't get me wrong this week has been crazy but good.

I have found a happy space in my head, have a clean (ish) house and am working on behavior and routine with my daughter.

Why am i unhappy today?     Well a long time friend of mine is not coping and today is her birthday.

This friend has been there in the tough times, has dropped everything for me and my daughter and has been like a partner to me.

But i have moved on and life has changed over time and i have changed and so has she...

Losing her job and several failed relationships later and i can see the light in this amazing lady is going out.

This wonderful person has been crushed by her family, friends and even by the fathers of her kids. It's no wonder she struggles to maintain happiness, but the worry i have is that she finds solace in cigarettes and alcohol.

I find for me who is on the edge of unhappiness so often these days i can not have such destructive energy in my life... but she has been one of my closest friends!

 We have always prided ourselves on having such a close and tight friendship that we could tell each other anything... but can i really?

I want to tell her...

That i feel like she takes over!

That i feel shes keeping me in her life to spend time with my daughter.

That i can't condone the drinking.

That i don't want to lose our friendship.

That i'm sorry if she feels she can't come to me when she has a problem.

That i love her and our friendship.

I WANT to fix this because i know the alternative is to lose it.